Feelings bottled up
by Cmdr. Phantom
Summary: ~Chapter 4 up *THE FINAL ONE*~ Sam and Jack know they love each other, they just can’t admit it, even to themselves. (Extream angst)
1. Default Chapter

Title:~ Feelings Bottled Up.  
  
Summery:~ Sam and Jack know they love each other, they just can't admit it, even to themselves.  
  
Rating:~ G  
  
Feedback:~ PLEASE!  
  
Authors note:~ I seem to be writing a lot of drabble lately. Forgive him if I ramble. Review please (no flames).  
  
Dedication:~ (because I can) To my new baby niece, who was born on the 15th of December. My little angel.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Sam stood, staring at her commanding officer. The older man was inches from her, his breath tickling the tops of her hair, and if she tried, she could reach his lips with her tongue. His arm was pushed gently across her side, his hand against the wall behind her, to steady himself. Sam briefly shut her eyes, trying to will herself to concentrate. They were in enemy territory. Jack had pushed them both against the wall out of site as a row of Jaffa had come running down the corridor, their footfalls in time to the constant buzzing of the alarm. There was nothing insinuated in his stance as his eyes were glued to where the Jaffa retreated But the smell of him, and the feel of him being so close was driving Sam insane. Suddenly the weight against her side was withdrawn, and Jack stood straighter, moving away from her to glance down the corridor. The Jaffa were gone, for the moment, but they knew enemies where close.  
  
Sam let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding, then moved to stand next to the colonel. She could still feel the touch of his hand as he'd roughly grabbed her and pushed her into the wall. Her side burned with the need for him to touch her there again, however un-intimate the gesture had been.  
  
\\Sam, your nuts. Get a grip.//  
  
Her self coaching was getting her no where. Her thoughts were still deeply imbedded in Jack. She ran with him down the corridor, keeping close to the pillars that lined the hallways, until they hit the gate room.  
  
"I thought you'd decided to stay!" Daniel was already at work on the DHD, Sam opted to stay by the door, kneeling and keeping watch. She had to focus, if only for a few more moments until Daniel had the gate open. Once back on Earth, she could retreat back into her fantasy world were Jack really was hers, but now her concentration meant life or death. Suddenly, she felt pressure on her back. Jack was standing behind her, his leg leaning against her. Ever since the incident with the Atoniek arm bands, Sam could have sworn he'd made every effort of physical contact he could manage without giving the game away. Sam swallowed hard, and tried to focus on the doorway and the corridor beyond. They were at their weakest while Daniel was dialling, and she never felt safe till she heard that satisfying whoosh of the gate. The pressure on her back disappeared as Jack moved towards the gate, and with one last look at the corridor, Sam turned to follow, her eyes on Jack as he stood at the top of the stairs, waiting for her.  
  
"Carter!"  
  
Sam never heard Jacks shout, as a staff blast caught her in the back, sending her sprawling to the ground. Jack emptied his round at the offending Jaffa, who didn't stand a chance, falling dead to the stone floor.  
  
Jack raced to Sam's side, and paused long enough to ensure she was still alive before grabbing her by her shoulders and dragging her to the gate. She's probably sport bruises in the morning from Jacks harsh handling, but at that moment, he didn't care. Another Jaffa rounded the corner, but it was too late. Jack and Sam were through the gate.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Medic!" Jack took two steps from the gate as it disengaged, then fell to his knees beside Sam, turning her on her side. A small pool of blood already lined the ramp, a steady flow coming from her mouth and nose. The wound on her upper back however, was almost clean, like most staff burns.  
  
"Dammit Carter, don't die on me." Jack whispered desperately as Janet ran up beside him, taking one look at Sam before pushing the colonel out of the way. Jack retreated, his eyes glued on his second-in-command as they moved her down the ramp. He matched the doctors step for step, until they pushed her into the infirmary and Janet put a restraining hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Not now." She said softly, and Jack took the hint. No matter what he felt for the young woman, he wasn't allowed in while they were operating.  
  
"Tell me she'll be okay." He looked hard into Janet's eyes. Janet gave him a fleeting look before abruptly turning into the infirmary. She'd never lie to him, nor give promises she couldn't keep.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Jack sat outside the infirmary doors, wishing desperately for an update. But the doors stayed closed, and the outcome of his major was unknown. His concern for her would get him into trouble, he knew. He should be with the general, debriefing, but at the moment he didn't care. He planed to be by her side the second she woke up. He'd let her know, there and then how much he cared about her, before something terrible happened and he never got the chance. He didn't care about regs, or what others would think. Time and time again something happened that put one of them on the brink of death. He knew one day that luck would run out, and Sam would be lost to him forever.  
  
"Colonel."  
  
Jack looked up startled to see Janet. He must have dozed off. Her eyes were sunken, dark circles indicated he'd been asleep for longer then a 'doze'. And there was a look on her face he didn't like.  
  
"She's alive, but very unstable." Janet was more tired then she'd ever felt before. For nearly twelve hours they'd been struggling to save Sam's life, and even now it was very testy. Working on one of her best friends had been difficult for Janet, and constantly seeing her friends in peril was taking it's toll. She told Jack half hearted details, knowing he wouldn't really be interested before telling him he could go in and see Sam. It was only words Jack had been waiting for. With a superficial 'thanks' Jack moved passed her into where Sam lay. He knelt beside her bed, and gently took one of her hands in his.  
  
The younger woman was hooked up to several machines, monitoring her progress, but Jack looked beyond that. He looked at her face. At his perfect Major.  
  
"Sam." He said softly, "Hear me Sam." He paused. How was he going to say it? Come right out? There was only one other woman he'd said these words too, and she'd walked out on him. Could he open himself to that sort of vulnerability again? What if Sam didn't feel the same way?  
  
Suddenly doubt clouded Jacks mind, and he backed away from Sam. What if he was making a horrible mistake? Sam had a brilliant career as a solider, what right did he have to take it away from her, just because he thought he was in love?  
  
Sam's eyes flickered, and Jack held his breath. The younger woman took several moments before opening her eyes, and even from his distance he could see the pain. He was in the shadows, hiding.  
  
"Colonel?" Sam's voice was week, horse, but she still clung to faith that Jack would be beside her. Jack said nothing, he couldn't find a thing to say. The woman mumbled, and turned her head, but to her the room was empty. Realisation set in for Sam. Jack wasn't there. Was he alright? Did he get caught on the planet trying to save her life? Or did he just not care about her enough? She closed her eyes again, and drifted off to a restless sleep.  
  
Jack continued to watch Sam for almost an hour, before slowly walking out. His feelings weren't important enough to chance damaging Sam's career. 


	2. Yes

Authors note: I wasn't planing on a sequel. but 'cause someone started beggin' me. *grins* I wrote this. It gets a little sappy.. but you know me. Feed back please!  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
"How you feeling Major?  
  
Sam looked up, and smiled at her CO. The older man stood casually by her desk, hands behind his back. "Fine sir. Thanks." She had been let out of the infirmary yesterday, but the general wouldn't recall her to active duty for another week, provided the doctor gave her the okay. So now, with SG-1 operating without her, Sam had been stuck at the base, with nothing to do but run a thousand different scenarios in her head with her and Jack getting together. She made eye contact, and saw his feelings, shimmering on the surface, yearning to get out. She had to do something.  
  
"Uh, colonel."  
  
He had just turned to leave, but her inquiring brought him back around.  
  
"Daniel said you guys had the weekend off." she looked at a point just past his head, wondering how to put this diplomatically, "And I've got a hankering for going fishing." There, she'd said it. Finally come out with it. Her eyes shifted and she looked at his face. Hope? Maybe, and a little suspicion, and something else that she couldn't quite place. Like the look you get when you've waited half an hour in line for something, only to realise when you get there they don't have what you were after. But he nodded just the same, and smiled.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Two and a half hours later Sam was sitting on a pier, legs dangling over the edge. Jack was standing beside her, and she wished desperately that he'd sit down. With the pretence of having to re-bait her hook, she stood up next to him. "You okay?"  
  
Jack turned to her, his eyes travelling over her face before he answered, "Why are you out here Carter?"  
  
Sam was taken aback by his question. She was there to be with him. She thought that was obvious. Before she'd even realised, Jack's right hand snaked to her waist, pulling her towards him, and his left caressed her face. They stood, there bodies locked, and Jack looked at her with his penetrating stare. "Is this why you're here?"  
  
Sam swallowed. What was going on? One minute he'd been an occasionally flirting, devilishly coy CO, the next he was looking at her with deep longing in his eyes, asking her to take a step she wasn't sure she was ready for. Sure she'd thought about it, fantasised about it, dreamed about it, written about it, but never once did she expect it to actually happen. She was an officer, and so was he. Even the light flirting that had gone on between them back at the base was against regulations. Deep down she knew she'd suggested them coming up here alone so she could see if he'd act on those feelings she knew was there, but now that it was happening, years of hard military training were kicking in. She couldn't let this happen.  
  
"Jack." She said his name softly, but pulled away with enough aggression to let him know she didn't want it. No.. that she couldn't allow it. God knew being held by him was all she'd ever wanted, but the army life had been driven into her enough that it overpowered her other feelings.  
  
Sam walked to the end of the pier, and Jack was left standing, dumbfounded. What had happened? He'd drilled himself before taking her up there he wasn't going to do anything. He'd already set down the rules. He wouldn't put Sam in to a position where she'd have to reject him outright. He knew her career meant more to her then anything. But when she stood, inches from him, all he wanted to do was hold her. To kiss her. To let her know how much he cared about her. How much he thought he loved her.  
  
They drove back to the city in silence, and Sam muttered a thanks as she closed the door and walked up to her house. Jack sat in his car, the engine still humming softly as she walked in. Then he abruptly got out and followed her. He caught the door in his hand just as it was closing, and Sam turned around startled as he walked in.  
  
"We need to talk."  
  
Sam nodded, and motioned him to the couch. A few moments later, she joined him, sitting next to him so their knees were touching. She took a deep, slow breath, her eyes searching his.  
  
"Is it really what you want?" he asked, and his hand snaked down to grab hers, running his fingers gently over hers.  
  
Sam panicked. How could he do this to her? He knew how she felt, and he knew why she refused, yet here he was, holding her hand, asking her to make a choice. Her career, or him.  
  
"I've been wanting to retire for a long time." Jack pointed out, and suddenly it all moved into focus. Of course! Sam couldn't believe what she was hearing. Would he really throw the SGC away just so they could be together? Did he love her that much? Jack reached up and brushed her cheek with his hand, "Say yes."  
  
Sam took in his face, his eyes and the love they showed. She'd never find a man more caring. Was this really what she wanted?  
  
"Yes." 


	3. Report back

"Retire? Jack are you sure?" Daniel stood with Jack in the briefing room, waiting for the General. Jack had decided now was as good a time as any to tell his friend. Just then Sam walked in, and caught the Colonel's eye before Jack smiled, turning back to Daniel.  
  
"Yeah. Pretty sure."  
  
Daniel noticed the exchange, confusion crossing his face before Teal'c and the General entered and they all sat down.  
  
"Are you sure you want to do this colonel?" General Hammond asked the man who'd been under his command for five years now. SG-1 was like his family, and although he had known about Sam and Jack's feelings for each other for a long time now, he was happy to turn a blind eye, provided they kept it under control. It didn't take long for Jack to convince them all it was what he wanted, and no less then a week later his resignation papers went through and Jack was finally free. For the third time in his life, Jack was retiring, and he planed to keep it that way.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Colonel?"  
  
Jack looked down from his place behind his telescope, and smiled at Sam. "Drop the colonel Carter, I'm retired." He told her.  
  
Sam nodded, and took a hesitant step towards him, "I just thought I'd come see how you were doing."  
  
Jack grinned, then motioned her over, looking back at the telescope, "Oh it's great. First I cleaned the garage, then I swept the driveway and spent the rest of the day watching day-time TV. Do you have any idea how much swearing goes on in Jerry Springer?"  
  
Sam laughed, "You should take up a hobby sir."  
  
Jack looked up, then reached out and grabbed her hand, standing up beside her, "I already have." He reached down, cupping her face gently in his other hand as he pushed his lips against her. They stayed, locked in their kiss for what seemed like years, before suddenly Sam pulled away. Jack's hand tightened on hers, and he pulled her back towards him, wrapping his arms around her neck and holding her close against him. "It's okay." He said softly, his fingers moving gently in her hair. She leant her head against his shoulder, fighting the impulse to pull away. It all felt wrong. For just under five years she'd kept her feelings for him hidden, had to deny every impulse in her body. She remembered the first time they met, when she tried to convince him that he'd end up liking her. He'd said he adored her already, but it wasn't until they were on the planet with the Shavadi and she caught his reaction to that dress the natives had made her wear that she'd had any clue as to his feelings being more then regulation. Her thoughts drifted to there time together, she remember his deep concern for her when she'd taken Cassie down to her death, then later that year when the were stranded on that ice world. She knew he cared for her, and he'd never let anything happen to her, but did he really love her?  
  
Jack mumbled something into her hair, and she pulled away from him enough so she could look up into his face, "Sir I.."  
  
"It's okay Carter." Jacks hand was still on the back of her neck, and he tightened his hand on her hair gently before letting her go, "I'll see you tomorrow?" he asked.  
  
Sam hesitated a moment before answering. "Actually sir I've got to head back to the base." She trailed off, wincing at the absolute look of disappointment on his face, "It's only a routine.." she tried to ease the blow, "I'll be home in a day or two."  
  
Jack nodded, giving her hand one last squeeze, then walked her back to her car.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Jack sat, drumming his fingers against the phone. It had been a week since Sam had come over, and she hadn't reported back.. Jack stopped his train of thought. Hadn't reported back? Ugh, he'd really been in the military too long. It had been a week since Sam had left, and she hadn't called him yet. For the first few days he hadn't been worried. He knew what 'routine' meant to the SGC. Especially to SG-1. But now he'd started to panic. Finally, being unable to stand it any longer, he picked up the phone and called her office at the base. He let it ring out before deciding she wasn't there. Without a thought that she could be at home, he called the general.  
  
"Hammond." The general spoke into the phone.  
  
"Where is she?"  
  
"Colonel?" The General sounded confused.  
  
"Is Carter on the base General?" Jack didn't want to play games. For the past three days every sort of problem had worked it's way into his head. She could be lying, injured on a miserable planet with no one to save her. She could be captured by the Goa'ulds and been made a host. She could be dead.  
  
"Colonel, SG-1 hasn't reported back from their last mission."  
  
Jack slammed down the phone and ran out the door. Seconds later he was in his car, driving towards the base. It wasn't until he'd pulled up at the gates and they refused him access that he realised what a mistake he'd made. He was now effectively shut out from Sam. Before he was always there to look after her, to protect her whenever they went off-world. Now he had to stand by the sidelines, wishing and hoping she'd come back from the next mission alive. This wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to be with her, by her side, living her life with her. And most of all he wanted to know that she was okay.  
  
-----  
  
Alrighties folks, that's it from me for another week. Lol. PLEASE send me feedback..this was originally suppose to be a one part story, but hey, what ya gonna do? 


	4. Welcome Back

"I want to look for her."  
"Jack, you know I can't let you do that." General Hammond sat in his chair in his office, Jack watching the Stargate through the glass window 3 stories up. It hadn't taken much for him to convince the general to let him back on the base. His only problem now was letting him go look for Sam.  
"I've got SG teams 5 and 13 looking for them. If they're out there, they'll find them."  
Just then, the buzzing of the alarms brought Hammond out of his seat, and he moved quickly out of the room. Jack was close on his heels. They reached the tech room just as the IDC came through.  
"It's SG-5 sir." reported the Tech.  
"Open the iris." Hammond commanded.  
The titanium shield moved back, and almost instantly two men stumbled through, one of them crouched low, Daniel slung across his shoulders. A blast shot from the gate, catching the briefing room windows, which shattered, the shards falling on top of the defense team. Three more men ran through, and then Teal'c, a large gash swelling his eye shut. Over his shoulders was slung Colonel Tims, SG-1's new commander. Teal'c slowly lowered the man to the floor as the medic teams ran up. Jack held his breath.  
Three more members from SG-5 ran through, one stumbling as a blast, fired before he entered the Stargate, caught him in the back. He hit the floor, dead.  
Jack's eyes were glued on the Stargate, and the rippling tore again as another blast soared through, hitting harmlessly against the cement.  
The last figure flew through the gate, "Lock it up!"  
The iris slammed into place, and the 'gate disengaged moments after. Hammond ran down the stairs to the gate room, and Jack followed. They entered, his eyes sweeping the chaos of people. Janet brushed by him, Daniel on a stretcher, but Jack took no notice. He continued to scan the room until he saw her.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Sitting on the steps to the ramp leading up to the Stargate, Sam held her head in her hands, feeling fatigue sweep over her body. Blood trickled from a slight wound on her forehead, but the air force major took no notice. Airmen and medic teams bustled around her, treating the wounded, and still she sat motionless.  
A pair of dirty shoes filled her vision, and she looked up to see Jack, his face marred with worry.  
"You okay?" he reached out with his hand, and Sam took it, letting him help her to her feet. From days of no rest and constantly being on her guard, the younger woman's legs buckled underneath her, and she started to collapse. Jack's arms tightened around her, and he held her up, pulling her against his body. "Medic!" he cried, and was welcomed with a stretcher. He helped her to lie on it, then squeezed her hand reassuringly, "I'll see you." he grinned to her.  
Sam looked at him gratefully, unable to muster the words to thank him. But he knew.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Jack?" General Hammond walked into the infirmary. Jack sat next to Sam's bed, just watching the young woman as she slept.  
"Yes sir?" Jack stood up, giving one last glance at Sam before facing him fully.  
"We need to talk."  
  
Moments later the two men stood in Hammond's office, "It's no doubt come to your attention that SG-1's new commander is dead."  
"Yes sir." Jack answered, then took a seat at Hammond's urging.  
"This once again leaves SG-1 without a commanding officer."  
"If I may sir," Jack jumped in, "Carter is more then capable.."  
"I'm well aware of Major Carter's ability." Hammond cut him off, "I'm offering you your old job back." Tired of beating around the bush, Hammond cut right to the chase, leaving Jack speechless.  
"Sir.. I uh.... you know why I retired sir?"  
"I am quite aware of your feelings for Major Carter, Colonel, I have been for some time. But as long as you two are willing to continue your professional relationship at work, then I see no problem."  
"At work sir?"  
Hammond nodded slowly, "At work."  
Jack studied the older man, trying to gauge if he really meant what he was implying. Then he stood up, "Thank you." Hammond stood as well, "I'll put your papers through this afternoon Colonel. Welcome back."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"The General really said that?" A week later Sam relaxed in Jacks arm, sitting on his porch with a bottle of beer in her hands. Jack lazily stoked her hair, his other hand running gently down her arm, his own beer by his side.  
"Well, not in those exact words." he grinned.  
Sam laughed, snuggling deeper into his embrace, "I never thought I'd be doing this." she said softly, and felt Jack tighten his grip around her.  
"Still having second thoughts?" Jack had listened to Sam tell him about her insecurities days before, and knew that she still held a deep notion that it was all wrong. He didn't think he'd ever be able to break her out of it, but at least she was with him now. Turning around in his arms, Sam faced him, "It's what I want." she said softly, and reached forward to kiss him softly. Jack held her head in his hand, pulling her towards him, until she broke off the kiss, snuggling back down against his chest.  
She had known for a long time that being with Jack was what she wanted, and now she knew for certain that the feelings they shared wouldn't interfere with her career, and she could have both.  
Her career, and him.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Chevron 6 incoded."  
SG-1 stood in front of the Stargate, watching as the Chevrons engaged. Daniel stood in-between Sam and Jack, and Teal'c next to Sam.  
"Chevron 7 locked."  
Jack glanced at Sam, who was staring straight at the Stargate, a hard expression on her face. Suddenly, through impulse, she turned to face her CO. She gave him a small smile before Jack turned, "All right kids, lets go." 


End file.
